so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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