went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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