you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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