Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
