I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
