I'm sorry my penis didn't work
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
MIDGETS
????
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
