you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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