Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
