Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
