If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
