trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
