yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
