I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
