so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
