Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize