I think my fart just growled at me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
