i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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