Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize