life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
