And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
