Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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