I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
