Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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