i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
