One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
