Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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