We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
