Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
