I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
