We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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