So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we're so committed to being not committed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
