I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
