the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
