Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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