Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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