Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
