meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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