my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we're so committed to being not committed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
