Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my being single is dangerous.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
