just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize