I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
