where am i from again
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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