Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
