i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
