i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
