Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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