I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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