Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you never un-have a 4some
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize