She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
last night I used snow as a chaser
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
