you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
