Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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