He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
