scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
