I'm going to jail i love you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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