The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
no, he came in my armpit
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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