my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
