I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
