he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
dude. I can hear the air.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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