If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize