the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
operation harelip BJ is a go
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
