I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
