the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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