you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
