Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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