Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
