I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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