PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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