I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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