I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize