do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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