I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
